My Mother's Ring

02-27-12

While getting ready this morning I decided to wear my mother’s ring.  Every time I put it on my first thought is “I hope I don’t get mugged”  I don’t live in a town with a lot of crime or anything it is just that it means so much to me.

I always have a little daymare of me getting held up by a bad guy and he tries to take my ring or make me give it to him.   In my fantasy I am always VERY tough and basically tell the would-be villain that he will have to take it from my cold dead hand if he is going to get it at all.  Sometimes there is even a physical fight (I always win). 

The next thought is how and why I have the ring.

The Ring actually belonged to my grandmother, it was her wedding ring set.  When Grandma Polly passed away the ring went to my mother.  It was the seventies ( I was 4)  as abstract was very popular, my mother had the gold melted and the diamonds reset into an Abstract Pear design. The engagement part of the ring is in the center and the smaller diamonds around it were in the wedding band portion.

 

My Mother wore the ring a lot in the seventies but as her life went forward she wore the ring less and less.

In my mid to late twenties, I ask my mother for the ring.  My argument as to why I should have it was plain and simple enough she NEVER wore it and I would.

I ask for it three or four times.  I was given the same answer each time.  “You can have it when I’m dead.”  This just irked me so, she wasn’t wearing it, didn’t wear it why couldn’t I have it?  But that was her answer (and her ring) that was that.  I didn’t press the issue too much but like I said, I did ask a few times.

On Friday July, 30, 1999 my mother lost her yearlong battle with Ovarian Cancer she was 52 years old (11 months after I lost my father to Leukemia he was 53).

I got busy remodeling mothers house: Mother moved into the house when she was thirteen, with her mother, brother, and stepfather.  My mother and I moved into the house when I was 7years old (after her step father passed away) I moved into the house when I was thirty two (my son was thirteen)

But I digress a bit.  Before I moved in I had several remodeling projects that I wanted completed and used the money my mother left me to do it.

I was going to have all sorts of workers in and out of the house.  The work started and it occurred to me that I should remove my mother’s jewelry box from her house and take it to my apartment.  Let me say that removing my mother’s jewelry box from her home and moving it to mine was very unnerving.

In my rational mind I knew she was dead.  This did not make the removal any easier; I felt like a thief, but it had to be done and I did it.

I would like to add here that I am glad I did.  Several things from the house came up missing.  My mother’s change jar (that was hidden in her closet) and her mink were among the items that came up missing.  (I am NOT a fur person, and she did love animals but it was part of her generation to want one I think, and she got one, in her forties. (She was VERY proud of it)

It was at least a year before I wore the ring the first time.  It was a holiday party I think and I took it out. (I had the same little daymare that I described earlier)  I didn’t wear it again for months and again it was the same scenario

It was about two or three years before I could wear the ring without feeling like I had stolen it. (I know I didn’t) I think it goes without saying that if I could have the ring or have my mother what the answer would be.

So Like I said to the would-be imaginary bandit. “you’ll have to pry it from my cold dead hand”  I can’t help but wonder if maybe my mom didn’t have the same daymare when she wore the ring, and maybe that’s why she didn’t wear it that often, It was just too precious to chance. 

A  Dawn

If you don't take the risk, you might as well have never lived at all. Don't waste your life, take chances and make changes.

Thought for the day!

Knowledge will give you power. Character will give you respect.    ~Bruce Lee

YUCH!

02-21-12

Today has been a very bad day for me.  I have been very nauseated for about a week and a half now; I believe today is the worst it has been and it has been very bad. 

I took my new nausea medicine earlier and it gave me a horrendous headache.  I took my headache medicine and it made me extremely tired.  

Once the meds wore off I began dry heaving.  Then I started to feel shaky and fuzzy headed.  I checked my blood sugar it was at 92. (Which is in the normal range, thank goodness) 

Since my blood sugar was toward the lower end of normal I decided to try to have some crackers and cheese. I have managed to keep it down (I ate it very s l o w).  It has helped with the shaking and fuzzy headedness, but I am still nauseated and feel bad.  So, I am cutting this one short this evening.

A  Dawn

Two months out/the importance of protein.

02-20-12

So, I am two months out and I had my first “follow up” at the doctor’s office a couple of weeks ago (this would have been at the six week mark)  there were several people in the office awaiting their turn.  As we waited, we started talking, all of us, sans one, had all had our surgery around the same time.  We all seemed to have lost about the same amount of weight, thirty pounds give or take.  We were all disappointed.

When I got back to the back to “weigh in” I found out that I had lost thirty pounds.  I sighed.  The Nurse said “what’s the matter?”  I said “I just expected to have done a little better.”  She looked at my chart and said “you are only six weeks out, and you have already lost thirty pounds.  “That is FANTASTIC; you are right on track for where you should be.”   “Really?”  I ask and she said “Yes defiantly, you only had surgery six weeks ago; you are RIGHT on track for the weight you started, and the amount of time that has passed.” I guess since I lost so much so fast the first month, I was expecting it the following months as well.

 She went on to say, “if you lose it too quickly you have more of an issue with sagging skin, (which you don’t want).” 

Her saying that, made me feel so much better. Next we all met with the doctor in a group setting where we could do a question and answer session.  The topic of the day was mostly about the importance of protein.

My doctor said that if we got eighty (80) grams of protein or more per day, that would be “perfect” but right now if we got 60 it would be ok.  The supplements at this point are a MUST.  He explained it like this.  Every ounce of meat is approximately 10 grams of protein.  (An Egg is 6 grams of protein.) If you went to a restaurant and ordered the smallest steak on the menu it would be about 6 oz.  He went on to say there is NO WAY we would be able to eat that much at one time.

  Another interesting thing I learned that day is your body can only process about 26 grams of protein / hour, (blended protein is absorbed over 3-4 hours ) so you can’t get all your protein in the morning and think you are good for the day.  The protein needs to be spaced out during the day. 

Not getting enough protein has some very nasty side effects (for lack of a better phrase) One of the most noticeable is the way you feel.  Without enough protein you can feel grouchy, tired, and just rundown all over.  The next thing is hair loss, without enough protein you will start to lose your hair, now about the hair; you don’t notice it right away.

Your hair loss will reflect your protein intake from a couple of months back.  So, he went on to say if you were not getting enough protein but now you are and experience hair loss it’s from when you weren’t.  Lastly and really important is losing muscle.

There are some things that I do for protein.  I drink the Atkins shakes they are low in carbs and sugars and high in protein (about 10 grams per shake),  I also mix the whey protein it’s a powder and I get it at Wal-Mart when mixed with fruit, ice and Greek Yogurt it is pretty good.  (Real Greek yogurt is HIGH in protein and Low in carbs/sugars you HAVE to read the back, just because the front claims to be "Greek yogurt" does not mean it really is)  I use the Oikos and the Nostimo.  They both have about 12-15 grams of protein, and only about 7 carbs per serving.  When mixed with the protein powder (I use the body fortress) it thickens it up to be more like a milk shake.  I also use the “shots” they come in this test tube looking things and are great when you are in a hurry.  One of my favorite sources is egg whites.  Now before you freak out let me say that I am VERY much a texture and taste person. The thing about the egg whites is this. They are pasteurized and are blended so you don’t get that slimy tenacious feeling in your mouth.  They are odorless and tasteless.  I make a glass of tea and add the egg whites or I make a cup of coffee use the sugar free creamer that I like, (let it get room temperature and pour over ice and add the egg whites)  You get 3.25 grams per pump, I use about 3 in a glass of tea or the cold coffee drink I mentioned.  You DO NOT want to add the egg whites to hot things like hot coffee or soup or you will have egg bits in your drink.  I order these from on line from Egg Whites International (here is the link  http://www.eggwhitesint.com/)

I hope this has helped you.  I am struggling to get enough protein every day, but I am doing better (the egg whites have really saved me) but like I said getting enough is something that I really have to be aware of every day and do my best to achieve.

A.  Dawn

Thought for the day

02-19-12


Remember, every flower that ever bloomed had to go through 
a whole lot of dirt to get there.


A. Dawn

Mama A. Dawn's Chicken Soup

02-14-12

Chicken breast and season with:

 LOTS of garlic powder*, onion powder, pepper, and a few sprinkles of sage.

Cook with about a teaspoon of oil in a pan until done,

In a large pot:

2 cans (the BIG ones 26 oz) of Cream Of chicken

3 Big cans (or 5 of the smaller 14 oz) Chicken Broth

(the smaller 14 oz cans of the broth are usually cheaper per oz for some reason)

¾ of a flat yellow onion (the flatter the onion the sweeter the onion)

4 handfuls of baby carrots, (then chop.)

Have that going while you are cooking the chicken

 Once the chicken is cooked and cut up add it to the pot.

(Repeat the spices here adding a couple of dashes of basal)

And 4 dashes of Tabasco or Louisiana Hot Sauce.

let boil once

Continue cooking on a low heat for 2 hours stirring occasionally.

*** Garlic Powder not Garlic Salt***

Enjoy!


A.Dawn

To you!

Happy Valentine’s Day!!

How to "Follow me"

Ok, in regards to the last blog this one is almost going to seem like an oxymoron but here goes.   I have heard from several people that although they enjoy my blog they can’t figure out how to “follow” it.

On the right hand side under the advertisement it says “join this site” just click that, after that it’s pretty easy. 

I need followers (I know I would have more if I promoted myself on my social media sites but I’m not doing that right now. That’s the rub) so if you like it and know someone who you think would like it. Send them the link.

Thanks guys, I hoped this helped!!!

Here is the link

 http://adawnofenlightenment.blogspot.com/

A. Dawn

Choosing to stay in the “bypass closet” ….

I know people that are just finding out that I had the surgery are wondering why I didn't tell them before.    I (at this point) have not even told my own child.  He is grown and lives about 10 hours drive from me. 

  More people at work know that I have done it then people that I am friends with or related to.  The reason for that is I HAD to tell my manager and my co-workers, I had to be out for all the Dr’s appointments before I took the leave of absents for the surgery.   

As things go in a company with a lot of people working in the same building; people “gossip” its human nature.  I am not offended by that it’s just a fact.   My point is though, more people at work know then people that are the nearest and dearest to my heart. (Which I know is weird, but there is/was no way around them not knowing)

 Some of my friends that are just now learning about my surgery have taken it personal, as if it was some kind of affront to our friendship that I didn’t ‘share’ it with them.

Well, I have my own ideas about this; First (and for most) I had this surgery for me.  

Secondly the reason(s) I did not or have not told my friends and some family members are varied.  Not only was this an extremely personal choice. (This for me is an odd concept because for the most part, I am an open book about most things)

I was about to embark on a life changing event (MY LIFE) I did not want people trying to talk me out of it or make me question myself (more than I did)  I had made up my mind and wanted to see it through to completion.

I didn’t want to hear any of the “well you should try ….., that is so dangerous are you sure you want to do that, well why don’t you do what I did, there is a new (fad) diet. Ect ect ect ect.”

When I made my decision, I felt that I had exhausted every other avenue that I could. That is not to say that for every diet or weight loss program that I tried there weren’t another ten or more that I had not tried.  I have struggled with my weight since childhood, and I have tried one “diet” or another over and over and over, I was DONE, so I didn’t want to hear “it” from anyone.  

So that is it (for now) I am choosing to stay in the “bypass closet” I am not sending a ‘link’ to my Face book or my Twitter or any other “social media” that has my name on it.   I will tell my friends and family in my own time at my own pace.   In the mean time……….

Nearly anonymous

A.  Dawn

Just a Bit of Mustard

02-07-2012

My surgery was on December, 20, 2011, I am a little more then a month and a half out and I have already learned some amazing “tricks.”

I think I have mentioned that vomiting is just par for the course especially if you get something stuck in your esophagus, but what I may have neglected is nausea.  I know no one even wants to think about it, but its part of it.  So what is the last thing you would help that?  How about mustard?  That’s right, plain cheap yellow mustard.  When I first heard that I thought if I was nauseated just the thought of eating straight mustard would make me want to hurl.

I was at work one day and I started to get nauseated, I did not have my Nauzine® with me (I had not thought to bring it to work)  Let me say that for me Nauzine® works amazingly well.  It tastes kind of like salty cherries  which I know does not sound good, but really it’s not bad and it works (for me) like magic and super quick.  I did not have that with me and I was getting more nauseated by the minute.  I remembered what a lady from work had told me about mustard; I did have that in my desk.  I was a little leery of it but like I said I was feeling worse by the minute.  So I squeezed out a little line of mustard on to my little finger (tip to first line of the first knuckle on the inside of my finger and slowly licked it off.  In a few minutes I actually felt a little bit better, so I had a little bit more (a little more then the first time) and Voila.  A few minutes later I had just a bit more (for good measure) I couldn’t believe how well it worked.

I told my work friend that I had tried her “trick” and how much I had eaten, she said that she use to eat it by the spoonful; and still keeps a bottle at her desk.

A. Dawn

I didn’t mean to discount the pain.

02-05-12

I want to back up again to the beginning of my recovery.   I haven’t talked much about right after surgery and the pain.  I don’t want to skip over that as if it didn’t happen it did and it was bad.

I think that pain becomes easy to forget as you move further away from it, (need convincing? Look at people that have more than one child, can you say OUTCH?) Anyway, I digress, I touched on the back pain in my first blog, it was bad and the walking helped more then you can imagine. 

I did not talk much about how I felt or dealt with the pain other than how walking is so helpful.

Not including my back, my left side hurt the most, (which was interesting since my biggest bruise was on my right side and it was HUGE!! 

To get out of bed while I was still in the hospital I would get as far onto my right side as I could then I would use the raise the head on the bed and then sort of pivot myself to a upright sitting position.

Once home It was kind of the same movement (minus the mechanical bed) I would get my right arm underneath me then plant my elbow up under me as much as possible and then use it sort of like a hydraulic apparatus raising myself up.  During the process of sitting from lying down it would feel like someone was slicing me with an extremely HOT knife.  Once Up it would subside, somewhat   (my pain medication helped a lot.) 

Coughing and sneezing.  (A post surgery nightmare.)

They tell you; if you are going to cough to place a pillow at your abdomen before if you’re quick enough.  What I found worked for me was to forget the pillow, instead I would place 3 fingers over the area (left side for me) and press in as hard as I could stand during the cough or sneeze, It still hurts but not as bad.

Getting into bed is almost as tricky as getting out of bed.

My bed sits up pretty high off the ground, so I would sit on the bed trying to land my bottom as far back and in the middle of my ‘sleeping area’ as possible, then, I would draw my knees up as much as possible and use my arms to guide me then “spin” or pivot on my bottom to get turned and lined up with my pillow.  Once in that position I could use my arms to lower myself on to my elbows and then continue until my head was on my pillow.  I bent my knees when doing thing (even fluffing my pillow, well as much as you can when your laying on it)  bending your knees puts more pressure on your feet and legs so you don’t use those stomach muscles as much.  

 It was several weeks before I could sleep on anything but my back, I would use a flat pillow to put under one side  (long ways sitting between  just below my shoulder blades to hip) or the other from time to time just so I could get off my back some.   I am a side sleeper usually, so, having to sleep on my back for so long was not so great.  Oh at first it wasn’t so bad, I was on more pain medicine so I guess I was out of it enough that it didn’t bother me as much; as the weeks went by and the pain medicine became less the sleeping on my back became more of a problem. The good news was that Instead of feeling like I was being sliced with a very hot knife, I was feeling more like I was being stabbed with one.

 As the weeks moved on I would try lying on one side or the other for small amounts of time (until it became too uncomfortable then on to my back or on my back with a pillow to give me a tilt to one side or the other.)  The first time after surgery that I could comfortably lye on one side or the other was such a sigh of relief. I promptly resumed sleeping on my (left) side.

Now,  at a month and a few weeks out, my biggest “sleeping complaint” is my C-Pap headgear, I have got to find a way to keep it from creeping up the back of my head (which makes it loose and not fit properly.)  I just keep adjusting it, I need to go and have it refitted again, I guess my head is not as ‘fat’ as it was which is cool, who wants to be a fathead, no one that's who.  (pun intended)

A.  Dawn

My Love/Hate relationship with Gym.

02-03-12

.

      Some days I hate to go to the gym, I feel tired before I even get there, I think about it and my chest gets heavy. Once there I usually start with the tread mill. The First fifteen minutes or so I am scheming a way to shave a little time off my total time (I try to do thirty minutes each time) the last fifteen are better and the last five I start thinking that I could really go another ten (I usually don’t unless there is something good on the television then I have been known to do thirty more, but that is not the ‘norm” (Gym has several televisions all tuned to a different channel they are positioned in front of the treadmills and ellipticals.

       The elliptical machine is another animal all it’s own, and a tricky one at that.  For your earphones to work on this machine you have to be moving at a constant minimal speed or you get no sound.  So If you are really interested in your program, you better pedal sucker!!!!  I can do about 5 minutes at 3 mph now (believe me when I tell you this is an accomplishment) When I do it, I have as sense that I have defeated a foe.

 (Have I mentioned that I am a bit of a nut burger?  If not then count this as my “confession”)  

 So yes, I get off after 5 minutes and have a real pride that I have really accomplished something grand.

     Now at this point is where I leave the Gym pleased as punch with myself until the other night….

     My Friend and went together, after the tread mill, she didn’t want to do the elliptical (it really is a daunting beast) she wanted to some other “body part specific” machines, so I did those with her. (It’s good to change up the routine) we were going to work on legs.

 We did about twenty reps per machine (there are five in this area that work different muscle groups of the legs) once we finished that, and feeling pretty proud of our selves I might add, we decided to go to the “abs area” Now let me say that I have not really done anything “abdominal specific” except some tightening when laying in bed at night since the surgery.  I figured “what the hay, if it hurts, I’ll quit and wait another week or two before trying that again” (I mean hurt in a bad way not just an exercise way, you know what I mean) Well it didn’t I did great and we did about twenty on each machine over there. My favorite is the one where you put your knees in a chair like apparatus and hold on at the top of the machine, then with the momentum of your body you make the “chair” slide back and forth, then, you do it sideways (on each side) this one is really fun. (Believe it or not)

So we finish up and leave for the night.  I go home blah blah blah and get up and go to work the next day, I felt FANTASTIC I had more energy than I had had in a LONG time, and I wanted to go to the gym that night. (That’s right I wanted to go) but I couldn’t, I had an appointment after work and a commitment after that.

Last night I also had plans and couldn’t go again. 

Tonight I can go I don’t want to, I feel tired just thinking about it; driving there, parking having to change my clothes……: my chest even feels heavy just thinking about it….I hate the gym, but I will go and get it over with <sigh>

I continue this cycle, because I know that after I go I feel so good, but man, getting there really is the hardest part of the whole thing.

 A. Dawn